Howdy Beck Family!
Alright alright, let be break it down for ya'll this is what went down dis last week.
To start, I went on exchanges with elder N this last week. You remember that guy right? He was my companion, one of my favorites ever, we were together for a transfer, and then he got called to be an assistant? Well he came back to pico with me for a day, cause the APs go on exchanges with all of the zone leaders. It was super fun, honestly loved it. That guy is da best, reason that he is the AP. Anyways, our day was super good as we went and visited some cool members and investigators back from when he was here. Super fun day. We taught a ton at the first days of the week, super effective, and just good missionary work. One Thursday we had zone meeting, so that is basically a meeting that us ZLs run and make for our zone, we give trainings to them that we got at the last mission leadership conference. ITs super fun, and it went really well. I gave a training on being bold with ourselves. That was my 6th zone meeting that i have done. Not gonna lie, i feel really comfortable with them, it just doesnt freak me out to get up and train any amount of missionaries anymore on anything. The training went well, like i said it was about boldness relating to ourselves, and how we need to have our expectations of ourselves meet Gods expectations of ourselves.
Also, on Friday, we had a zone conference. That is a big meeting with multiple other zones and the mission president comes too. IT as 7 1/2 hours long. So long, so many trainings. Thankfully we didnt have to give any this time. It was really good, and I still really love anything that our mission president says, he just has the presence of being an inspired man. Then suprise happened, we all got to watch 'Meet The Mormons.' Apparently it is a big movie/documentary that the church has made that will be in the theaters. They First Presidency asked that all the missionaries see it before it comes out so that we can use it as a proselyting tool. So the very first pre screening of a movie in my whole life has happened on my mission, did not think that would happen. It was really good, and the part of the movie where it shows some clips from a college football game were enough of a tender mercy to make me boast of my God. For real, that was great, i really liked it, really well made, and clears up SOOO many misconceptions that SOOO many people have.
Then, the rest of the weekend we spend watching general conference. IT was all so good. I was watching it with some specific questions, and it was amazing as i felt i was getting the exact answers to the questions that I had. I love the conference, so of my favorite talks were Pres. Uchtdorfs priesthood session talk, and the russian/ukranian guy whose name i cant remember. But trust me, i liked his talk. And by some miracle after saturday and sunday conferences we were guided into lessons that we didnt have planned that just happened to have members there and ready to help us teach. I think it was a reward for listening hard to general conference.
This last week i was feeling pretty down on myself for 1 night. I was refelcting back a lot on my time as a missionary. It got started from this from the training that i gave in zone meeting, about being bold with youself. I think i took it to far, because very quickly i wasnt just being bold with myself, but i was breaking myself down for every single imperfection i have. I was suddenly only seeing all of the things i have done wrong on my mission, and the things that i continuously do wrong. It suddenly got me very discouraged, and i alsmost never really get discouraged, but it happened. I starting to think that i hadnt learned everything i was supposed to in my time as a missionary, and that i had let to much time pass by without fully using it, and that now since the time was gone i wouldnt be able to fully grow to who God needs me to be on my mission. It was terrible, it was a huge self critical mess. That is something that i know i do to myself a lot, i am my own worst critic. But another missionary gave me some very wise words and comfort, and then through prayer and general conference, a very powerful answer came through all of this. IT was that we are probably meant to struggle while in this life. Disappointments and trials and mistakes are a part of mortality. It doesnt make them fun, but it makes then necessary. And so i shouldnt be to suprised if i look back and find lots of those, even within my mission years. I am not lowering my expectations of what i want to do and become on my mission. It simply helped me accept that we are not perfect, that i am very much not perfect, and that improvement is a hard process, so i shouldnt kill myself for my mistakes. I still need to improve, i still need to get better, but i know that the process is more that just a 2 year process, it is in fact a life time process. That is what i had to accept, that im not going to reach perfection on the mission just cause i am a missionary, but that in reality it will take lonnger and it will take more from me to get there. That was what i learned this last week, it changed me.
Thank you for everything family, love you all, have a good week.
P.S. this is me and a lobster that i ate with mexican hot sauce. i did not pay for this lobster, got it from some members. crazy good, proablay cost a lot. it was even better with the cheap hot sauce that i love.
Also, nobody freak out, but i got bit by a little dog this last week. the first time i have actually gotten bit. you have no idea how many dogs i have kicked on my mission, the one time i dont kick a dog the little sucker bites me. not gonna happen again muchachos.